On Political Punditry and Web Forums

So, I paraphrased Jello Biafra on a certain web-forum I won't mention, and ended up being called out on it via an anonymous email.

The email, which I won't print as it was pretty vulgar, essentially told me I was an idiot, and how, if I didn't like how things were done or are being done, then I should (and I quote verbatim) "get off my fat ass and run for mayor".

Ordinarily, I don't lend a great deal of credence to emails such as this, especially when the author hides behind the anonymity of the internet and easily obtained (and disposable) email accounts.

But this time around, I thought I'd have me some fun.

After firing back a snotty reply, asking the dolt if he'd bothered to read the followup posts I made (where I explained why Jello Biafra's ideas weren't practical), then advised him to at least forge the headers of his "anonymous" email so his IP address couldn't be discovered (evil grin).

(Incidentally, mate - you might want to fix up your resume and cover pages, if you want to be taken seriously by a potential employer. Especially the one in Edmonton you bookmarked on Workopolis. Oh, and never, ever state your religious beliefs or SIN number. Also, you might want to clear Internet Explorer's cache directory and cookies - the missus might not like all those porn sites.. and for the record, I don't have a fat ass, and don't ever piss me off again!)

So, thinking about mayoralty again, I hearkened back to the days when I first discovered our friend Mr. Biafra.

It was 1993, and I was really into punk rock, and started taking an interest in politics. I came across Biafra's spoken word album "I Blow Minds for a Living", and loved every second of it. I especially loved the part where he talked about running for mayor of San Francisco, and all the ideas he had for making the city a better place.

I played it for my buddies, and we started joking about me running for mayor... so we drew up a platform that was sort of similar to Biafra's, but more tailored for Winnipeg life. Of course, fifteen years and several million dead brain cells later, I don't remember any of it.

So, to fill the twenty minutes I have until bedtime, I'll draw up the things I'd do if elected:

Bring LRT or a subway to Winnipeg (a given, considering my affiliation).

Implement a moratorium on Surface Level Parking lots downtown.

Work with Council to implement (and enforce) harsher noise bylaws, especially concerning car stereos and backyard/patio parties after 10pm.

No longer allow parks, streets, and squares to be named after celebrities who no longer live here, or after people of dubious accomplishments.

Work with the province to develop a series of grants, etc, for people or developers who want to build in-fill housing in the core areas of the city, and tax the shit out of anyone contributing to urban sprawl.

When that fails, jokingly suggest we draw up our battle plans for the annexation by force of Headingley, Stonewall, Oak Bluff, St. Francois-Xavier, etc, since we seem to be heading that way anyway.

Personally lead the movement to lobby the provincial and federal governments to bring back the stocks & irons for young offenders. Also, provide locally-grown produce to be made available for purchase for the sole purpose of throwing at the aforementioned young offenders.

Eliminate the "special" constables of the various BIZ groups, to be replaced by community-led initiatives. Work with the Winnipeg Police Service to provide even better training and support for neighbourhood watch (and similar volunteer groups).

Oh, and raise applicable taxes to pay for everything, but make sure the people are getting their money's worth.

Of course, it looks good on paper (er, screen), but how to implement...?

I'll think of that later. Right now, it's 10:15pm, and past my bedtime.


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